For any follower of my previous columns, it is hard to consider me a bad boy, so let me take time to qualify myself. I am not the “can’t hold down a job, in a failing rock band, tattoo-sleeved, cocaine-induced, weird facial hair” type of bad boy, but I have done my fair share of grossly mistreating the female gender through infidelity, lies and deception. And while I graduated from college and kept arrest warrants to a decent minimum, my gross lack of respect for fellow humans deems me at least a proficient, if not distinguished, bad boy.
The blackened haze of alcohol and drugs has erased from memory many of my transgressions, but what I do remember is that this behavior made it very easy to get women. Whether it was the “rescuer” types that wanted to make me “better,” or the manipulating, crazy types who just wanted to keep her companion patterns “status quo,” the women came from far and wide to experience the roller coaster which was my life.
Having this knowledge, I always wondered what it could be like if I were to turn over a new leaf and become a nice guy. Well, due to many spiritual revelations, I have achieved this goal. The bad boy has been converted and I can truly call myself a “nice guy” – who stays remarkably single. Confused? Me too. I never truly believed nice guys finished last, but I am starting to rethink the theory. Upon further reflection, I still consider the statement a lie, and offer wisdom to all of my fellow “nice guys.”
Fellow nice guys, true gentlemen, beholders of chivalry – lend me your ears! Do not become discourage by failed attempts at companionship. Many women explain that “bad boys” have confidence, excitement and massive sex appeal, for which us nice guys scoff in anger. We see women feverishly chase after men who are worthless to much of humanity, ultimately dismantling the emotional state of the woman. What the nice guy must understand is that these women possess preconditions that are a fit, not for us, but for the bad boy. Who knows the woman’s history behind her desire to always be romantically linked with failure, conflict, drama, low expectations and disappointment? We all have different diets that make us tick, and the nice guy must leave these women alone.
The truth isn’t that nice guys finish last – it’s that we sometimes enter the wrong races. So, I urge the nice guy to continue pouring his heart into uplifting all females, and never turn to the “dark side” because the winning percentage seems higher. In the long run, women want us, and most of them, deep down, want to be loved and treated nicely. I am sure they will seek us out, if we continue the respect of women that makes any mom proud.